January - we get our first media sting....
We're abruptly reminded what fat, ugly pigs we are and how our lives would be so much better if we stopped eating half our weight in chocolate cake each day. We feel rubbish and try to shift some of our excess festive bulge by munching of leaves, seeds, weirdass berries (and any other shit that we're told is good for us). We sign up for gym membership and we make ourselves suffer like buckling on some post Christmas cilice. We have committed a cardinal sin against our patron saint of healthy eating - so we shall torture ourselves.
I always thought that January was a rather curious time to start a detox or diet. Because, people tend to be soooo grumpy when they go from nibbling away many thousands of calories a day (cookie monster stylee) to an 800 calorie diet of tasteless rabbit food. We've had a good time with some friends and family, we've reintroduced ourselves to our nieces and nephews (turns out they actually like us!) We've had some time to recharge, maybe got some new cool things as presents and had a great new year's eve party.
Then, a few days back into January this all mysteriously evaporates - still hungover, life's back to normal again, debt rolls in, more turkey sandwiches, can't sell that unwanted present on ebay, it's freeeezing outside and summer seems a thousand years away. Just to make things better - we go back to our crappy job (and EVERY job will be crappy at 9am on the 4th Jan!) January is the official host of 'Blue Monday' which scientists tell us is the most depressing day of the year. It's the collision of all our post-festive fatigue and misery - it's not a time for making big achievements in diet and detox.... we just need to focus on living!
May/June - we get our second media sting...
This second wave is still hell bent on ramming the leaves, seed, berry combo down our pie-devouring throats but this is for our 'beach body'. This time, the press campaign wants us to look the best for our upcoming holiday. The media want us to rock up to St Tropez with an incy bikini body or killer abs. They want us to strut!
I must say - find this concept all the more palatable. Doesn't it just feel more natural to shed our winter fat stores in the spring?
So here's my idea....
- January - instead of an actual diet, we have a negativity detox/diet! Rather than working hard to eat raw spinach, we try our best to absorb positive thoughts, great ideas, enlightening energy and exciting vibes.
- Rather than pushing aside the oreos and hershey's... we kick out our thoughts of negativity, annoying people (such as the dementers at work), scary news, fear, anxiety and anguish.
- Instead of scrutinizing our calories, we should do everything we can do banish the negative and start the new year with all the positivity we can. We should fill our souls, until we are saturated and overspilling with great vibes and others around us have no choice to take up our positive overspill. If you get a good feeling - share it with the world! The world is a mirror that magnifies it and reflects it back to you. It's magic!! :-D
- May/June is the time we try to make big progress on that diet/detox - because, we're in such a better time then. Flowers are in blossom, birds are singing, it's warm enough to go out running, vacation season is just a whisker away and we'll be in a much better place to set yourself up to win.
- I don't mean that we should keeping piling in mince pies with the same velocity that we did on Christmas day or that we should abandon anything with a vague sniff of 'exercise'. Just don't let it be 'your new thing' or your main aim in January.
- Who's with me on this?
