I just read this blog article on Harvard Business Review about 'Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers.'
I think it's a great article and so true - i've seen so many women sabotage their opportunities by being too 'nice little girl'. Work is a game of monopoly not a family thanksgiving dinner - the rules are different!
Women - please read and reflect. Parents please consider how you can teach these attributes to your daughters.
Link to HBR Article
Saturday 29 October 2011
Friday 28 October 2011
Tall poppy syndrome: Deal with the jealousy of haters
You had a dream, you worked your ass off, your success came slowly and steadily, but you never gave up and then 'BAMB' you stop for a breather, you take a look around and damn... looks like you actually made it!
Buuuuuut, not everyone will be toasting you... in fact some will be wishing your downfall. Although i find this psychology entirely bizarre: What if you believed (just for a second) that there's only so much good stuff to go around. What if success, happiness, love and wealth were all finite and there was only a little piece to share between us. When someone sees you with your success - they think that you've stolen a bit of what was owed to them. It's not just that they're jealous, in their stupid little minds - they believe that you've actually done them wrong. Every dollar in your bank account, is a dollar that they're in debt! Every pleasure you have - means pain for them.
The second thing is that average people believe that successful folk get a 'leg up' somehow. Perhaps from a successful parent, a natural talent or a right place, right time opportunity. They do not have the mindset to understand that we ALL have leads, we're constantly being bombarded with opportunities and we all have abundant talents that need hard work and determination to refine.
So... these haters comes from such a painful place of 'lack'. They feel that you've used some mystical talents to steal their slice of the cake. This concept is often referred to as Tall Poppy Syndrome - when a poppy gets much taller than the others, it is hacked down to the height of the rest. This is the reason that highly successful people are often reviled. Average people would rather use their energies to bitch and scorn about your great life rather than enrich their own with education or improve their prospects.
And this is because these people are, in fact...
... Stupid
So... how to deal with them? Well... once you realize what is going on in their tiny minds it's not actually that hard to ignore them. I think that society as a whole is being encouraged to be negative even more nowadays through the omnipresent gossip columns that just rip on successful celebs. But understand that these 'haters' do not have the capacity to do what you have done! In life, if you refuse to let anyone else win - you will NEVER win yourself! By hating you, they are only hurting themselves more.
Love this quote:
"You cannot strengthen one by weakening another; and you cannot add to the stature of a dwarf by cutting off the leg of a giant." Benjamin Franklin Fairless
*Punch the air, scream in exhilaration, crack open the champagne!*
Buuuuuut, not everyone will be toasting you... in fact some will be wishing your downfall. Although i find this psychology entirely bizarre: What if you believed (just for a second) that there's only so much good stuff to go around. What if success, happiness, love and wealth were all finite and there was only a little piece to share between us. When someone sees you with your success - they think that you've stolen a bit of what was owed to them. It's not just that they're jealous, in their stupid little minds - they believe that you've actually done them wrong. Every dollar in your bank account, is a dollar that they're in debt! Every pleasure you have - means pain for them.
The second thing is that average people believe that successful folk get a 'leg up' somehow. Perhaps from a successful parent, a natural talent or a right place, right time opportunity. They do not have the mindset to understand that we ALL have leads, we're constantly being bombarded with opportunities and we all have abundant talents that need hard work and determination to refine.
So... these haters comes from such a painful place of 'lack'. They feel that you've used some mystical talents to steal their slice of the cake. This concept is often referred to as Tall Poppy Syndrome - when a poppy gets much taller than the others, it is hacked down to the height of the rest. This is the reason that highly successful people are often reviled. Average people would rather use their energies to bitch and scorn about your great life rather than enrich their own with education or improve their prospects.
And this is because these people are, in fact...
... Stupid
So... how to deal with them? Well... once you realize what is going on in their tiny minds it's not actually that hard to ignore them. I think that society as a whole is being encouraged to be negative even more nowadays through the omnipresent gossip columns that just rip on successful celebs. But understand that these 'haters' do not have the capacity to do what you have done! In life, if you refuse to let anyone else win - you will NEVER win yourself! By hating you, they are only hurting themselves more.
Love this quote:
"You cannot strengthen one by weakening another; and you cannot add to the stature of a dwarf by cutting off the leg of a giant." Benjamin Franklin Fairless
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Tips for happier living!
Here is a tip for happier living and reducing stress:
I believe that we are only truly 'living' when we are experiencing one of the following three things:
The times when we're not experiencing these things - are just gaps between life. They are just pauses. We are merely on 'standby' mode. If you're not doing one (or all!) of the things above - then you're not actually living at all.
When you go to bed each night - write down: 1) something that made you laugh, 2) something you loved doing and 3) something you learned today! Paying attention to these 3 principles will help you get the most from your life! Paying attention to these things will make you appreciate those moments when they come!
I believe that we are only truly 'living' when we are experiencing one of the following three things:
1. Laughing
2. Loving
3. Learning
2. Loving
3. Learning
The times when we're not experiencing these things - are just gaps between life. They are just pauses. We are merely on 'standby' mode. If you're not doing one (or all!) of the things above - then you're not actually living at all.
When you go to bed each night - write down: 1) something that made you laugh, 2) something you loved doing and 3) something you learned today! Paying attention to these 3 principles will help you get the most from your life! Paying attention to these things will make you appreciate those moments when they come!
Thursday 13 October 2011
8 ways to feel happier!
We all fall into pits of helplessness now and then. When I was younger, I thought that these little blips of misery would end as soon as I reached adulthood, or became a director, or got married, or traveled the world, or earned a great wage.
Sorry, guys... these little pockets of short-term melancholy don't seem to budge! Regardless of the number of zeros on your bank balance or the number of countries you've visited.
For me, these periods of i hate everything have got significantly shorter.... to the point i can now say with confidence 'i won't feel like this tomorrow'. And nowadays, i use these bad patches to drive a new burst of growth.
I know what you're thinking: "Woah... wait a minute... you're a lifecoach and you still feel miserable sometimes?"
Yes! Absolutely! Life can be tough, people can be impossible, goals can feel unattainable, children can be brats, we all have setbacks, little things can add up and grind you down... and then there are tax returns....! Life will always have the downers, but just like a backfiring car, a headache or bad grades - there are things that you can do to make the situation better.
Philosophically:
1. It's okay to feel like this - EVERYONE does now and then
2. It's temporary - you'll be through this soon
3. It will all work out in the end - it ALWAYS does
Practically:
1. Happy songs: select an uplifting playlist on you ipod - keep it energizing! No radiohead!
2. Look at some photos of a great holiday or a great time.
3. Go to the gym... work those endorphins - you'll feel much better
4. Watch a funny or inspiring tv show/ youtube video
5. Chocolate milk - haha... okay... this is my personal one. There's something nurturing and childlike about sipping on a cartoon of creamy chocolate milk. But i highlight a serious point here - customize! Find something that puts you in a really good mood and remember it for the down times.
I wish you a safe return to smile-ville! :-)
Sorry, guys... these little pockets of short-term melancholy don't seem to budge! Regardless of the number of zeros on your bank balance or the number of countries you've visited.
For me, these periods of i hate everything have got significantly shorter.... to the point i can now say with confidence 'i won't feel like this tomorrow'. And nowadays, i use these bad patches to drive a new burst of growth.
I know what you're thinking: "Woah... wait a minute... you're a lifecoach and you still feel miserable sometimes?"
Yes! Absolutely! Life can be tough, people can be impossible, goals can feel unattainable, children can be brats, we all have setbacks, little things can add up and grind you down... and then there are tax returns....! Life will always have the downers, but just like a backfiring car, a headache or bad grades - there are things that you can do to make the situation better.
Philosophically:
1. It's okay to feel like this - EVERYONE does now and then
2. It's temporary - you'll be through this soon
3. It will all work out in the end - it ALWAYS does
Practically:
1. Happy songs: select an uplifting playlist on you ipod - keep it energizing! No radiohead!
2. Look at some photos of a great holiday or a great time.
3. Go to the gym... work those endorphins - you'll feel much better
4. Watch a funny or inspiring tv show/ youtube video
5. Chocolate milk - haha... okay... this is my personal one. There's something nurturing and childlike about sipping on a cartoon of creamy chocolate milk. But i highlight a serious point here - customize! Find something that puts you in a really good mood and remember it for the down times.
I wish you a safe return to smile-ville! :-)
Wednesday 22 June 2011
What is 'Dread'?
Dread isn't the same as 'fear'. You are not scared of a thing. Dread is an emotionally charged 'i don't want this to happen'. Dread is your inner child sulking about the fact that it's now stuck in an adult body with adult responsibilities and an adult schedule!!!
You're not actually scared of what is going to happen - you're just dreading the thought of moving out of your childlike comfort zone!
I still dread flying (i went on 32 flights last year) - i still dread difficult meetings, even though i'm pretty darn resilient. I dread opening my post - as an adult i just never grasped the benefits of receiving post and still descend to total immaturity when it comes to opening mail.
I've come to the conclusion that dread is a good thing - it shows your inner child is still alive and well.... and still wants to jump into a puddle (even though you're wearing a suit) still gets Pick N Mix sweets (before going to the gym you spend $300 a month at!), will still go on every ride at a theme park (even though your own kids are scared and won't go on) and apparently... still counts the number of flights you go on each year with the enthusiasm of a new flier.
Dread is just your inner child bitchin'
You're not actually scared of what is going to happen - you're just dreading the thought of moving out of your childlike comfort zone!
I still dread flying (i went on 32 flights last year) - i still dread difficult meetings, even though i'm pretty darn resilient. I dread opening my post - as an adult i just never grasped the benefits of receiving post and still descend to total immaturity when it comes to opening mail.
I've come to the conclusion that dread is a good thing - it shows your inner child is still alive and well.... and still wants to jump into a puddle (even though you're wearing a suit) still gets Pick N Mix sweets (before going to the gym you spend $300 a month at!), will still go on every ride at a theme park (even though your own kids are scared and won't go on) and apparently... still counts the number of flights you go on each year with the enthusiasm of a new flier.
Dread is just your inner child bitchin'
Friday 17 June 2011
Be the best you can be: Commit to Excellence
I believe that whoever you are and whatever you do - you can become the best!
When i say this, some people take it negatively, as if i'm encouraging them to trounce their peers and suddenly compete with everyone around them. But i do not mean that at all, in fact, people who take that approach clearly aren't the best!
By being the best, i mean that you should commit to excellence. Why would you commit to anything else? Commit to failure? Commit to mediocrity? Commit to normality? I believe by committing to excellence - we are doing something deeply spiritual. We are saying:
Think of all the stunning works of art that have been created as a commitment of excellence to god. Think of the beauty of nature, or the wonder of a newborn baby. Did some higher power not commit to excellence to create all of this! Therefore, should we not follow this lead?
... and guess what? The universe always commits back! Commit to excellence, give it time and you will be rewarded for your efforts. Not only will you feel great for being excellent, you will start a Mexican wave of excellence around you - people will be inspired to do the same! There is always a market for the best, so watch your pack packet too! Every company on earth is crying out for great people!
Quotes about excellence
"Be so good at what you do - they cannot ignore you." - Steve Martin
"Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism." - Oprah
"Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
When i say this, some people take it negatively, as if i'm encouraging them to trounce their peers and suddenly compete with everyone around them. But i do not mean that at all, in fact, people who take that approach clearly aren't the best!
By being the best, i mean that you should commit to excellence. Why would you commit to anything else? Commit to failure? Commit to mediocrity? Commit to normality? I believe by committing to excellence - we are doing something deeply spiritual. We are saying:
'I am going to serve this universe at the highest possible level.'
Think of all the stunning works of art that have been created as a commitment of excellence to god. Think of the beauty of nature, or the wonder of a newborn baby. Did some higher power not commit to excellence to create all of this! Therefore, should we not follow this lead?
... and guess what? The universe always commits back! Commit to excellence, give it time and you will be rewarded for your efforts. Not only will you feel great for being excellent, you will start a Mexican wave of excellence around you - people will be inspired to do the same! There is always a market for the best, so watch your pack packet too! Every company on earth is crying out for great people!
Quotes about excellence
"Be so good at what you do - they cannot ignore you." - Steve Martin
"Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism." - Oprah
"Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday 13 June 2011
Incremental changes: 10% more!
What if you gave 10% more effort in your job? What if you spent 10% more time with your children? What if your weight was 10% less? What if every holiday was 10% longer?
Ladies, how happy would you be if you have 10% more shoes??
10% often seems like a trivial amount... like small change... not something to get excited by... We've all been at a shop counter paying for something and have suddenly realized with disappointment that the 10% discount doesn't really add up to much at all! Research tells us that any work performance bonus is seen as irrelevant unless it's over 10%.
But incremental steps are often the key to massive changes. An avalanche can start with a small crack in the ice. 'Each journey starts with a single step'. - Chinese proverb
If I'm coaching someone who is at a crossroads and is depressed that they do not know what they want to do/ where they want to go next. I advise them to put 10% extra effort into *everything* they do for two weeks! 10% more: At work, at home, at the gym, with the children, at cooking, driving the car, at dressing up, even be 10% nicer to their mother-in-law!! Two weeks later... they come back to me - they feel great and they always know what it is they want!
Effort is always rewarded! Sometimes financially, sometimes by success and sometimes with clarity or a sense of wellbeing! When you're stuck in a rut and just give a little more - and you'll soon pick up the momentum to take you anywhere you want to go!!!
Give yourself 10% extra today!
Ladies, how happy would you be if you have 10% more shoes??
10% often seems like a trivial amount... like small change... not something to get excited by... We've all been at a shop counter paying for something and have suddenly realized with disappointment that the 10% discount doesn't really add up to much at all! Research tells us that any work performance bonus is seen as irrelevant unless it's over 10%.
But incremental steps are often the key to massive changes. An avalanche can start with a small crack in the ice. 'Each journey starts with a single step'. - Chinese proverb
If I'm coaching someone who is at a crossroads and is depressed that they do not know what they want to do/ where they want to go next. I advise them to put 10% extra effort into *everything* they do for two weeks! 10% more: At work, at home, at the gym, with the children, at cooking, driving the car, at dressing up, even be 10% nicer to their mother-in-law!! Two weeks later... they come back to me - they feel great and they always know what it is they want!
Effort is always rewarded! Sometimes financially, sometimes by success and sometimes with clarity or a sense of wellbeing! When you're stuck in a rut and just give a little more - and you'll soon pick up the momentum to take you anywhere you want to go!!!
Give yourself 10% extra today!
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