Monday, 6 June 2011

How to get Total Assertiveness...

Total assertiveness is not a skill to obtain, or build, borrow or create for yourself. It's a skill to uncover - it is something at the very core of each one of us. Total assertiveness lies beneath all the baggage we insist on carrying around with us. Isn't it true that the best speeches in history are those who have laid themselves bare and stripped off their persona to speak from their core?

As babies and young children, we were shamelessly assertive! Hungry? "wwwwwhhhhaaaa' Tired? 'whhhhhhah' need anything? 'wwwhhhhhaaa'. (I know grown men who still employ this strategy, by the way). As we grow, we burden ourselves with stereotypes, baggage and memories of bad experiences. We may have hurt someone we love with our hard words and brought suffering - and picked up the message not to do this again. I became nervous and passive through an incredibly destructive relationship with my mother. She had some appalling passive aggressive behaviors, which meant i spent my entire youth walking on eggshells.

But assertiveness is not a 'way to talk' or 'method' or an 'outward communication skill'. Although I am now assertive, it is not because i speak up or can easily tell the truth to people who might not want to hear it.

Then what is total assertiveness?

It is a deep intimacy. It is being your own best friend. It is being your biggest fan. It is being the best lover, mother, brother to yourself. It's being this omnipresent cheerleader for yourself. It is resolutely and stubbornly standing by your own side through whatever happens. When you take time to connect with yourself (and it does take time!) the world is turned upside-down for the better.

This deeply entrenched self-respect is total assertiveness - if you have a buddy like you by your side... then what can possibly go wrong?

This deep intimacy with the miracle of yourself leads to great things. It causes a general relaxation in yourself. You can lavish yourself with love, you stop trying to seek it from: lovers, parents, bosses, friends, teachers, etc. Your cup is full - you don't approach life with holes in your soul that need filling up with a daily amount of attention or praise. But curiously, this relaxed and assertive personally trait is magnetic and attracts the right sort of people (and all the right things!) Insecurities melt away and total self reliance & self believe return to you like a distance deja vu. This is how we are meant to be!

People seeking to be assertive outside will find the answer inside. Assertiveness is not how to talk and communicate - it is a deep spiritual connection with your naked soul, that then gives you the love, stability, protection, kindness and warmth to take on the whole darn world.

And you? Well, you're totally awesome... who wouldn't crawl over broken glass to become your best friend?