We all have wobbles!
These 'wobbles' are dark moments where we say to ourselves 'what the hell am i doing?'
During these times, we berate ourselves, we wonder what on earth we were thinking, we hate everything, there is no light and we have trouble seeing anything positive through the thick blanket of negativity.
This is why it is so important to write down your plans and your aims. It gives you something to fall back on when the chips are down. When you're mid-wobble you can get out your written list and remember what you are working towards and why you are going through all this pain.
Life has pain! The more ambitious you are as a person, the more you want to achieve and grow - the more growing pains you will have! Working on a strategy to lessen the impact of this pain and keep you moving forward despite your wobbles - is a smart move that will only take 5 minutes to implement. It's a quick win!
Once you made a big decision - write down your 'reasons why'. This will help counteract any guilt and regret that may show up later. In a lonesome evening with no one around but a bottle chardonnay for company, looking back at '10 reasons why i go divorced' adds a firm grounding to tipsy, lonely melancholy. During every property development job, i fall back on my 'why i bought this house' list. When undertaking a property development, this list is as important as a wallpaper stripper and a screwdriver - because developing a property is seldom wobble-free and i need a tool to keep me firmly on track!
I first learned the power of a written record when i first emigrated in my late 20s. Despite emigration being something that i had *always* wanted to do, I found the whole experience incredibly hard and some days i was just ready to get on the next flight home. One day, i wrote a list of all the reasons i had emigrated (there were about 15), i kept this on my bedside table until the day i left. That scrappy yellowing piece of paper with mug stains and curling corners, documented all my reasons to leaving and kept me on track through some very hard 'wobbles.' I think that it was so effective because it had: experience reasons, material reasons, relationship reasons, spiritual reasons, cultural reasons, etc. My pragmatic list-making mind could pre-empt and counteract whatever flavor of wobble i was having at any particular time!
Whatever you are going through - i wholly recommend that you write down either the plan or your reasons for your big choice! It will save you a wobble or 2!
Showing posts with label goal setting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goal setting. Show all posts
Monday, 28 February 2011
Thursday, 30 December 2010
MMXI 2011 - Making the best New year's resolutions ever
I am writing this weblog as someone who had consistently failed on my new year's resolutions, i gave up making resolutions entirely for a few years. But now i think that i've mastered the art and i'm hungry for the new year. Let me share my lessons with you...
1. GET SOME: The first important thing about new year's resolutions is: make some! Dare to dream, permit yourself to aim a little higher in any area you choose. Get creative - what in your life needs some work? What would you like more of?
2. DON'T OVERLOAD THE WAGON: People confuse New Year's resolutions with 'concoct a list of the most amazing things that could ever happen to you, in the near impossible time frame of a year'. New year's resolutions are about achieving aims and growing your world in some way that means something to you. The resolutions that are easiest to stick with tend to be incremental. I'm not trying to dampen your big plans, i'm just saying that you're probably not going to get to do a spacewalk, scale Annapurna, break the 100m world record and invent a perpetual energy machine within the 12 months. (And if you do - i'll sure as hell be subscribing to your weblog! Sign me up!)
3. SO WHAT ABOUT THE MEGA GOALS? For your major, life-defining, 'this is my calling' type goals (which will probably take more than a year to achieve) make your MMXI new year's resolutions some of the milestones en route to the summit. Chunk your dream into bite size pieces that you can celebrate every single one of them when you achieve them. This prevents you from getting totally demotivated by waiting for the huge celebration at the completion of your elusive mega project. So, if you want to be an internet entrepreneur but don't yet have any products to sell, a website or a registered company - then get to it one by one! Don't wait until you secure your first million dollar contract before you fizz open a bottle of Vintage Krug Clos D'Ambonnay.
4. GET SPECIFIC: Make your goals bold, alive and colorful - but actually build in some quantitative specifications. Obviously this is very easy for financial goals. Rather than 'pay off some of your mortgage' - make that 'pay of $10,000 of my mortgage before July 31st'. Make sure you hammer down the small print, otherwise, if you're anything like me - you'll look for the easy option when the going gets tough. Be clear with your goal: Does this include your usual repayments or are you going to make this $10k additional to what you're already coughing up.
If your resolution is to 'generate a passive income stream' inject some further clarity and say 'by the end of December 2011, my aim is to generate $200 a month through a new passive income stream'.
If you wanted to get back on the dating scene and you've been single for some time, you may want to take it slow and set a goal like: 'go on 6 dates' or 'ask out one girl/guy'. This would be a BIG step if you haven't done it for 10 years.
5. ARE YOU COMMITTED TO YOU MMXI GOAL? You have to be really committed to a new years resolution for it to come into fruition. In hindsight, i don't actually care about having slightly nibbled nails... it's not important to my life's work. Long nails just get in my way - rather than providing me with any kind of Samson-equse super strength.
6. KEEP REVIEWING YOUR PROGRESS: Revisit your goals at LEAST every month. We all have some monthly cycles. For the last year or so, i've looked at my goals every time i submit my monthly consulting invoices. It's a 30 day cycle which is always in the diary. It is a particularly synergistic time for me, since a lot of my recent goals have been in the business domain. Therefore, actually reviewing my plans when i'm calculating how much money i have made - works a treat. I also review the progress on my personal and spiritual goals during this time. I meditate and ask myself 'how has this month been compared to last month? Am i calmer, happier, more confident? Am i growing every month?'
But please don't forget about your new year's resolutions by January 5th or discard your aims the nanosecond you hit an obstacle - because they just won't come to life that way. You gotta let them cook! Write all your goals down, put them on a list on your bedside table and incorporate them into your morning routine. Or set regular reminders on your cellphone. These are small steps and you owe it to yourself to follow through.
If you're not already a member of 43things - then take 5 minutes of your life to sign up to the website. I know that i owe a lot personally to this website, as really helped me when i hit a few hard times and my dreams looked unobtainable.
7. PUT PAST FAILURES ASIDE: I guarantee, you are not the same person you were when you failed before. So, don't be put off if you couldn't deliver on previous attempts. However, just like i did, you probably need to review where you went off the tracks before. My problem was that I was setting myself either unimportant goals or crazy goals that were so far out of my orbit, i could never have reached them. Plus, i didn't put in place a framework to review progress.
Also, if you slip a little - don't beat yourself up - just dust yourself off and carry onwards and upwards. You're a better person for taking a fall now and then!
8. TIME TO PAAAARTAAAY: Celebrate! when you reach your goal, treat yourself! I once threw a party when i reached a very important goal. It was mid-September and I told all invitees why we were having a party. All my friends were extremely inspired and positive. Many of them said that it encouraged them to put a little more energy into their plans. When you succeed - you've gotta spread that around! You have to inspire others - there are so many people falling on their face right now and you need to help them gain the strength to get the hell up. The Law of Reciprocity says if you give a gift, your gift will be returned. When my friend managed to achieve an important goal - i knew that she wouldn't have anyone else in her life to congratulate her in the way that i could - so, in the absence of proud parents or an thrilled mentor. I made a huge fuss of her and bought her a gucci clutch bag.
Whilst i'm quoting universal laws, i will add that the Law of Abundance states that there is more than enough 'good stuff' for everyone, in improving our lives and making ourselves more happy - we're not chasing a scarce resource. So pleeeeeeease share with others and help others on their goals.
1. GET SOME: The first important thing about new year's resolutions is: make some! Dare to dream, permit yourself to aim a little higher in any area you choose. Get creative - what in your life needs some work? What would you like more of?
2. DON'T OVERLOAD THE WAGON: People confuse New Year's resolutions with 'concoct a list of the most amazing things that could ever happen to you, in the near impossible time frame of a year'. New year's resolutions are about achieving aims and growing your world in some way that means something to you. The resolutions that are easiest to stick with tend to be incremental. I'm not trying to dampen your big plans, i'm just saying that you're probably not going to get to do a spacewalk, scale Annapurna, break the 100m world record and invent a perpetual energy machine within the 12 months. (And if you do - i'll sure as hell be subscribing to your weblog! Sign me up!)
3. SO WHAT ABOUT THE MEGA GOALS? For your major, life-defining, 'this is my calling' type goals (which will probably take more than a year to achieve) make your MMXI new year's resolutions some of the milestones en route to the summit. Chunk your dream into bite size pieces that you can celebrate every single one of them when you achieve them. This prevents you from getting totally demotivated by waiting for the huge celebration at the completion of your elusive mega project. So, if you want to be an internet entrepreneur but don't yet have any products to sell, a website or a registered company - then get to it one by one! Don't wait until you secure your first million dollar contract before you fizz open a bottle of Vintage Krug Clos D'Ambonnay.
4. GET SPECIFIC: Make your goals bold, alive and colorful - but actually build in some quantitative specifications. Obviously this is very easy for financial goals. Rather than 'pay off some of your mortgage' - make that 'pay of $10,000 of my mortgage before July 31st'. Make sure you hammer down the small print, otherwise, if you're anything like me - you'll look for the easy option when the going gets tough. Be clear with your goal: Does this include your usual repayments or are you going to make this $10k additional to what you're already coughing up.
If your resolution is to 'generate a passive income stream' inject some further clarity and say 'by the end of December 2011, my aim is to generate $200 a month through a new passive income stream'.
If you wanted to get back on the dating scene and you've been single for some time, you may want to take it slow and set a goal like: 'go on 6 dates' or 'ask out one girl/guy'. This would be a BIG step if you haven't done it for 10 years.
5. ARE YOU COMMITTED TO YOU MMXI GOAL? You have to be really committed to a new years resolution for it to come into fruition. In hindsight, i don't actually care about having slightly nibbled nails... it's not important to my life's work. Long nails just get in my way - rather than providing me with any kind of Samson-equse super strength.
6. KEEP REVIEWING YOUR PROGRESS: Revisit your goals at LEAST every month. We all have some monthly cycles. For the last year or so, i've looked at my goals every time i submit my monthly consulting invoices. It's a 30 day cycle which is always in the diary. It is a particularly synergistic time for me, since a lot of my recent goals have been in the business domain. Therefore, actually reviewing my plans when i'm calculating how much money i have made - works a treat. I also review the progress on my personal and spiritual goals during this time. I meditate and ask myself 'how has this month been compared to last month? Am i calmer, happier, more confident? Am i growing every month?'
But please don't forget about your new year's resolutions by January 5th or discard your aims the nanosecond you hit an obstacle - because they just won't come to life that way. You gotta let them cook! Write all your goals down, put them on a list on your bedside table and incorporate them into your morning routine. Or set regular reminders on your cellphone. These are small steps and you owe it to yourself to follow through.
If you're not already a member of 43things - then take 5 minutes of your life to sign up to the website. I know that i owe a lot personally to this website, as really helped me when i hit a few hard times and my dreams looked unobtainable.
7. PUT PAST FAILURES ASIDE: I guarantee, you are not the same person you were when you failed before. So, don't be put off if you couldn't deliver on previous attempts. However, just like i did, you probably need to review where you went off the tracks before. My problem was that I was setting myself either unimportant goals or crazy goals that were so far out of my orbit, i could never have reached them. Plus, i didn't put in place a framework to review progress.
Also, if you slip a little - don't beat yourself up - just dust yourself off and carry onwards and upwards. You're a better person for taking a fall now and then!
8. TIME TO PAAAARTAAAY: Celebrate! when you reach your goal, treat yourself! I once threw a party when i reached a very important goal. It was mid-September and I told all invitees why we were having a party. All my friends were extremely inspired and positive. Many of them said that it encouraged them to put a little more energy into their plans. When you succeed - you've gotta spread that around! You have to inspire others - there are so many people falling on their face right now and you need to help them gain the strength to get the hell up. The Law of Reciprocity says if you give a gift, your gift will be returned. When my friend managed to achieve an important goal - i knew that she wouldn't have anyone else in her life to congratulate her in the way that i could - so, in the absence of proud parents or an thrilled mentor. I made a huge fuss of her and bought her a gucci clutch bag.
Whilst i'm quoting universal laws, i will add that the Law of Abundance states that there is more than enough 'good stuff' for everyone, in improving our lives and making ourselves more happy - we're not chasing a scarce resource. So pleeeeeeease share with others and help others on their goals.
Will i ever manage to achieve my goals??
When we've been working hard at something for a long time, yet we keep suffering setbacks and difficulties - we tend to question why we're even bothering. We yearn for a breakthrough - but there isn't one in sight.
If we let these thoughts consume us, it can be very hard to get back on track. Especially, as society gives us a big, shiny, neon exit sign: give up, blame someone else for your failure and be a victim.
Tony Robbins says the quality of your life is directly proportional to the quality of the questions you ask yourself: 'Why am i even bothering? 'Will i ever get where i want to be?' are such rubbish questions to ask yourself. Maybe you will get there, maybe you won't - but it's not down to you to make the decision here and now. This is a decision for the world at large - not you! And definitely not you, when you're alone in your room, upset and downing a bottle of pinot grigio. Sorry dude, it's just not your call.
So shhhh your chatterbox... stop asking yourself dumb questions (which are only going to take you down a path of extreme negativity). And busy your hands and mind by shooting the thing in front of you. Immerse yourself in whatever needs to be done right now and get the hell BACK TO WORK. Because, if you ask the general public what the definition of 'success' is - i'm pretty sure the consensus would settle along the lines of a single theme: not giving up when things get tough, not throwing in the towel when your luck is down and staying loyal to your ambitions.
And remember, if something is taking a long time to come together - it's probably actually worth doing! It's these quick and easy wins that are usually the bringers of doom (how many lottery winners have committed suicide in the last couple of years?)
I presume you've ended up on this weblog entry because you're in frustrated place right now. Therefore, let me recount the words of people wiser than I:
Favorite Quotes:
The only lack or limitation is in your own mind.
N. H. Moos
The greatest pleasure in life is in doing what people say you cannot do.
Walter Bagehot
It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance, sweeps away all obstacles
Claude M. Bristol
Nothing worthwhile ever happens quickly and easily. You achieve only as you are determined to achieve... and as you keep at it until you have achieved.
Robert H. Lauer
For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.
John Greenleaf Whittier
More fabulous quotes to get you back to the table!
If we let these thoughts consume us, it can be very hard to get back on track. Especially, as society gives us a big, shiny, neon exit sign: give up, blame someone else for your failure and be a victim.
Tony Robbins says the quality of your life is directly proportional to the quality of the questions you ask yourself: 'Why am i even bothering? 'Will i ever get where i want to be?' are such rubbish questions to ask yourself. Maybe you will get there, maybe you won't - but it's not down to you to make the decision here and now. This is a decision for the world at large - not you! And definitely not you, when you're alone in your room, upset and downing a bottle of pinot grigio. Sorry dude, it's just not your call.
So shhhh your chatterbox... stop asking yourself dumb questions (which are only going to take you down a path of extreme negativity). And busy your hands and mind by shooting the thing in front of you. Immerse yourself in whatever needs to be done right now and get the hell BACK TO WORK. Because, if you ask the general public what the definition of 'success' is - i'm pretty sure the consensus would settle along the lines of a single theme: not giving up when things get tough, not throwing in the towel when your luck is down and staying loyal to your ambitions.
And remember, if something is taking a long time to come together - it's probably actually worth doing! It's these quick and easy wins that are usually the bringers of doom (how many lottery winners have committed suicide in the last couple of years?)
I presume you've ended up on this weblog entry because you're in frustrated place right now. Therefore, let me recount the words of people wiser than I:
Favorite Quotes:
The only lack or limitation is in your own mind.
N. H. Moos
The greatest pleasure in life is in doing what people say you cannot do.
Walter Bagehot
It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance, sweeps away all obstacles
Claude M. Bristol
Nothing worthwhile ever happens quickly and easily. You achieve only as you are determined to achieve... and as you keep at it until you have achieved.
Robert H. Lauer
For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.
John Greenleaf Whittier
More fabulous quotes to get you back to the table!
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Five days until 2011
We have less than a week left until the 2011 is upon us.
So, rather than wait until 23.58 on the 31st December to reflect on the past year and think about your goals for 2011... and then choose a lame-ass aim like 'stop biting my nails' (this was my New Year's Resolution for approximately 20 years and i still indulge in some nail nibbling)...
Give it some thought this week and get inspired by the opportunities and objectives in the new year. Your life is waiting dude! Set yourself up to win. When your hangover clears - make sure that you have a plan that you are hungry for!
... and i do mean HUNGRY!!
om nom nom :-D
So, rather than wait until 23.58 on the 31st December to reflect on the past year and think about your goals for 2011... and then choose a lame-ass aim like 'stop biting my nails' (this was my New Year's Resolution for approximately 20 years and i still indulge in some nail nibbling)...
Give it some thought this week and get inspired by the opportunities and objectives in the new year. Your life is waiting dude! Set yourself up to win. When your hangover clears - make sure that you have a plan that you are hungry for!
... and i do mean HUNGRY!!
om nom nom :-D
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
How to pull yourself out of a dark pit!
Years ago, I used to get dark moods that would pull me into this inescapable vortex of despair. I'd stay there for hours, then days, then weeks, then months. It all started from a bad habit I had: when life got too hard i used to crawl back under the duvet. After doing this for a few days, I was too drained to do anything but lie in bed and hate everything. Soon i'd be on the downward spiral.
Since this time, i have have found many ways to break my negative, self-sabotaging patterns of behavior. I can now do a U-turn when i find myself walking down the comfortable, well-beaten path to misery. I want to share these tricks with you, because this week, i've had one of the worst days in a long time, yet i managed to end the day laughing and joking. It made me realize how far i had come. Here are the steps:
1. Rename your feelings - If you say you're 'depressed, miserable, stressed, suicidal' - you've given a label to how you're feeling and your body starts doing what it has been told. When things are going horribly wrong and i could collapse into a ball on the floor, instead of submitting to my emotional response, i say to myself: 'today's plans have been mildly impeded' or 'my calmness has been temporarily thwarted'. As soon as you say to a friend 'i am depressed' your friend will start treating you like a depressed person and you'll start acting like it. The reinforcing behavior turns into a vicious circle. (This tip shamelessly stolen from: Tony Robbins, Unleash the Giant Within)
2. Tap into your inner militant - Summon your inner dictator! When you sneak back into bed or have trouble getting up in the morning, say to yourself 'Get your fat, lazy ass out of bed and do one of the million things on your list. Quit hiding from your life and get the out there. Don't you have things you want to achieve?' Or if you're feeling sorry for yourself say 'Grow up - stop being a petty child, go do something useful. Sulking doesn't change the world - action changes the world! DO SOMETHING!' Do it in the same way a stern mother or scary teacher would - i even imagine my fiercest teacher at school shouting it at me.
3. Remember the worst day in your life - We have all experienced some defining days that linger in the back of our consciousness.
One day i remember extremely vividly was mothers' day 10ish years ago. I was rushed to hospital in the early hours of the morning in immense physical pain. When I got to the ER I witnessed a teenage boy die in front of his parents and sister - the family just crumpled with grief. His father screamed and punched a concrete post, the mother fell to the floor and his teenage sister went a grey pallor. She was in total shock and couldn't catch her breath - she sat alone in the waiting room crying her eyes out. I was in so much physical pain myself, i couldn't properly comprehend anything i saw at the time. The experience was the epitome of human pain.
My day last week was very bad - but not this bad... by a long shot!
4. Quantify your day - If your worst day is a zero out of 10. Then where are you today? (I decided that i was a 2). Then say to yourself - i'm going to try and get up to 5 today - and if i do, i'll be really proud of myself and congratulate yourself. When you're having an awful day - aim to turn this day around to an 'average' day. If you do this, chances are you'll get some momentum and be able to get even higher (i managed to end the day on a 7!)
5. Switch your view - Imagine you are in a traffic jam - you can only see 10 cars in front of you... You're moving very slowly - but still moving, you're a little annoyed but content just chilling to your music.
What if you could float up from your car and view the traffic jam from high in the air? You then see that the traffic jam is 10 miles long. You freak out... you were okay when you could only see 10 cars. But now AAGGGH! What are you going to do? You're doomed!
When things are going badly - we can often see them because we're looking at unhelpful view. From a bird's eye view, we can see all the problems in the distance, we get anxious and find it difficult to cope. When things get tough - come down from the high view and turn all your focus on the thing in front of you. Conversely, when the task in front of you seems insurmountable and you can't see anything else, float up to the bird's eye and see how small this task is on the big schema of things. Look at all the other paths that would take you where you need to go. Research shows that being able to switch from abstract to detail thinking is a trait of great business leaders. Don't get caught up in either view of thinking - change perspective when you hit a road block!
6. Set yourself a low target for the day - If you're feeling 2 out of 10, then you're operating with only 20% of your capacity. Your emotional and intellectual abilities will be failing, your competence will be appalling and you could snowball into a worse place if you set your goals too high. Set yourself a low target that if you achieve - you'll congratulate yourself. When i'm having a very bad day - I leave my office spotless and my files are obsessively in order.
7. Deep breathing - Slllloooow dooown and take some deep breaths. I use a Tony Robbin's breathing technique that i learned years ago. Breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 12 and breath out over a count of 8. Do ten of these breaths and i'm pretty sure you'll be in a better place rapidly. Use this if you're really freaking out about something - it will center you in a few minutes.
8. Valerian Tea - A cup of this relieves my anxiety pretty quickly. I can get to a much better place in 10 minutes. Give a teabag to a cat and see the affect on the kitty! This stuff works!
9. Draw pictures of 10 things you love - When you're in a foul mood, this is quite hard to do because you're so wrapped up in yourself. You have to switch your brain from you/your ego/ what you want/ how you're feeling/your bad day/ poor you to other stuff. Just draw some dumb pictures. It takes you to some creative part of your brain where you feel love and gratitude for the great things in your life and helps you get a grip on your surroundings.
10. The four agreements - A book by Don Miguel, that I have never actually read! Someone else told me about it and it made so much sense. Particularly, agreement no 2. 'Don't take anything personally - nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.' I love this, because on a deep level it's so very true - humans have their own inner reality that only they can make sense of and shape.
I still get dark moods - but i now have some great exit strategies that help me snap out of my negative state very quickly. I told a friend about my bad day and that i was proud of how quickly i'd turned it around. He said 'I didn't know you had bad moods - you're always so balanced.'
I find that a combination of things work for me. I've never found a single silver bullet that takes me from despair to euphoria. But i've worked very hard to find multiple ways to bring rapid change - ultimately you need to find what works for you.
But that's the whole definition of success right?! Finding multiple ways to get from A to B and not giving up until you get there! When i'm down i no longer think 'bed' - i think 'action'.
Since this time, i have have found many ways to break my negative, self-sabotaging patterns of behavior. I can now do a U-turn when i find myself walking down the comfortable, well-beaten path to misery. I want to share these tricks with you, because this week, i've had one of the worst days in a long time, yet i managed to end the day laughing and joking. It made me realize how far i had come. Here are the steps:
1. Rename your feelings - If you say you're 'depressed, miserable, stressed, suicidal' - you've given a label to how you're feeling and your body starts doing what it has been told. When things are going horribly wrong and i could collapse into a ball on the floor, instead of submitting to my emotional response, i say to myself: 'today's plans have been mildly impeded' or 'my calmness has been temporarily thwarted'. As soon as you say to a friend 'i am depressed' your friend will start treating you like a depressed person and you'll start acting like it. The reinforcing behavior turns into a vicious circle. (This tip shamelessly stolen from: Tony Robbins, Unleash the Giant Within)
2. Tap into your inner militant - Summon your inner dictator! When you sneak back into bed or have trouble getting up in the morning, say to yourself 'Get your fat, lazy ass out of bed and do one of the million things on your list. Quit hiding from your life and get the out there. Don't you have things you want to achieve?' Or if you're feeling sorry for yourself say 'Grow up - stop being a petty child, go do something useful. Sulking doesn't change the world - action changes the world! DO SOMETHING!' Do it in the same way a stern mother or scary teacher would - i even imagine my fiercest teacher at school shouting it at me.
3. Remember the worst day in your life - We have all experienced some defining days that linger in the back of our consciousness.
One day i remember extremely vividly was mothers' day 10ish years ago. I was rushed to hospital in the early hours of the morning in immense physical pain. When I got to the ER I witnessed a teenage boy die in front of his parents and sister - the family just crumpled with grief. His father screamed and punched a concrete post, the mother fell to the floor and his teenage sister went a grey pallor. She was in total shock and couldn't catch her breath - she sat alone in the waiting room crying her eyes out. I was in so much physical pain myself, i couldn't properly comprehend anything i saw at the time. The experience was the epitome of human pain.
My day last week was very bad - but not this bad... by a long shot!
4. Quantify your day - If your worst day is a zero out of 10. Then where are you today? (I decided that i was a 2). Then say to yourself - i'm going to try and get up to 5 today - and if i do, i'll be really proud of myself and congratulate yourself. When you're having an awful day - aim to turn this day around to an 'average' day. If you do this, chances are you'll get some momentum and be able to get even higher (i managed to end the day on a 7!)
5. Switch your view - Imagine you are in a traffic jam - you can only see 10 cars in front of you... You're moving very slowly - but still moving, you're a little annoyed but content just chilling to your music.
What if you could float up from your car and view the traffic jam from high in the air? You then see that the traffic jam is 10 miles long. You freak out... you were okay when you could only see 10 cars. But now AAGGGH! What are you going to do? You're doomed!
When things are going badly - we can often see them because we're looking at unhelpful view. From a bird's eye view, we can see all the problems in the distance, we get anxious and find it difficult to cope. When things get tough - come down from the high view and turn all your focus on the thing in front of you. Conversely, when the task in front of you seems insurmountable and you can't see anything else, float up to the bird's eye and see how small this task is on the big schema of things. Look at all the other paths that would take you where you need to go. Research shows that being able to switch from abstract to detail thinking is a trait of great business leaders. Don't get caught up in either view of thinking - change perspective when you hit a road block!
6. Set yourself a low target for the day - If you're feeling 2 out of 10, then you're operating with only 20% of your capacity. Your emotional and intellectual abilities will be failing, your competence will be appalling and you could snowball into a worse place if you set your goals too high. Set yourself a low target that if you achieve - you'll congratulate yourself. When i'm having a very bad day - I leave my office spotless and my files are obsessively in order.
7. Deep breathing - Slllloooow dooown and take some deep breaths. I use a Tony Robbin's breathing technique that i learned years ago. Breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 12 and breath out over a count of 8. Do ten of these breaths and i'm pretty sure you'll be in a better place rapidly. Use this if you're really freaking out about something - it will center you in a few minutes.
8. Valerian Tea - A cup of this relieves my anxiety pretty quickly. I can get to a much better place in 10 minutes. Give a teabag to a cat and see the affect on the kitty! This stuff works!
9. Draw pictures of 10 things you love - When you're in a foul mood, this is quite hard to do because you're so wrapped up in yourself. You have to switch your brain from you/your ego/ what you want/ how you're feeling/your bad day/ poor you to other stuff. Just draw some dumb pictures. It takes you to some creative part of your brain where you feel love and gratitude for the great things in your life and helps you get a grip on your surroundings.
10. The four agreements - A book by Don Miguel, that I have never actually read! Someone else told me about it and it made so much sense. Particularly, agreement no 2. 'Don't take anything personally - nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.' I love this, because on a deep level it's so very true - humans have their own inner reality that only they can make sense of and shape.
I still get dark moods - but i now have some great exit strategies that help me snap out of my negative state very quickly. I told a friend about my bad day and that i was proud of how quickly i'd turned it around. He said 'I didn't know you had bad moods - you're always so balanced.'
I find that a combination of things work for me. I've never found a single silver bullet that takes me from despair to euphoria. But i've worked very hard to find multiple ways to bring rapid change - ultimately you need to find what works for you.
But that's the whole definition of success right?! Finding multiple ways to get from A to B and not giving up until you get there! When i'm down i no longer think 'bed' - i think 'action'.
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