I have developed three simple rules that seem to get me through any of life humps and bumps. I shared them with a friend over dinner a couple of nights ago and wanted to share them with you too!
Rule 1. It's okay
Whatever you feel, whatever you want to do, wherever you're 'at' - it's okay!
We're always so hard on ourselves.... for no real reason.
I figure, that you would not scorn a friend for messing up once in a while, for dropping desert on their pants, for locking themselves out their house, for wanting to quit a class or for forgetting to buy toothpaste at the store. I wouldn't would NEVER be harsh to someone else for doing stuff like this - but we're all too often harsh on ourselves. So, wherever you're at 'It's okay' you're somewhere on life's path. It's all right... go easy on yourself. If you screw up - it's okay.. just learn from it! Say it to yourself 'it's okay'
2. It's not as bad as you think it is... plus it's temporary
I can think of soooo many times in my life when i've been in an utter rage... a couple of days later i can't even remember what i was so furious about. I try hard to remember - but nope! Over time, i've learned from this - stuff is never as bad as you think it is. Every cloud has a silver lining, but sometimes, when we're running for cover from the rain the silver lining is so hard to see.
Whatever bad thing you're suffering from, also remember that everything in life is temporary! Closing my eyes, saying something like: 'this soon will pass' over a few deep breaths is like prozac to me!
3. Everything always works out, always.
No... not a typo! The 'always' is meant to be in there twice - because that is the word that needs to be underlined here.
I have never experienced anything that hasn't work out in the end. Just the other day... i was eating lunch with a work colleague. I was laughing and joking about how i once had a formal complaint made about me to this board of directors. Suddenly, i thought - 'my god, i can't believe i'm joking about this.... this was one of the most traumatic things that ever happened to me at work.. i was convinced that this would kill off my career'.
I thought about it and then realized all the positive things that had come from this formal complaint. For example: It instilled a new sense of trust in my manager at the time - who backed me up 200% without a nanosecond of doubt. It made me work harder to protect myself against future complaints and do more 'due diligence' activities. I also had to defend myself against the Board. Let me tell you - once you've been through that experience - presentations, key notes, hard conversations - these things are all a piece of cake. This happened 7 years ago, but that experience made me grow a backbone of steel very quickly (like wolverine being injected with adamantium!) Rather than ruin my career - i think it made me what i am today!
So, i want to say: Thank you J. Swinburn for lodging the official complaint against me. I was so anger I could have stabbed you to death 7 years ago... but you were an angel in disguise and i am truly grateful! Thank you :-)
Showing posts with label life coach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life coach. Show all posts
Monday, 28 March 2011
Thursday, 17 February 2011
How to cure all problems with life laws....
Einstein once said:
We often spend all our time deeply buried in the complexities and nuances of our particular life and the lives of those around us. We regularly lose sight of the crystal clear 'laws of life' that can be summed up so easily:
Weight loss: Eat Less, Do more
Achievement: You reap what you sow
Perseverance: Try, try and try again
Finding love: No one can love you until you love yourself
Any problem: Change it - or change the way you feel about it!
Easy, huh?
So, why aren't most people slim, high achieving, persistent, in love, problem free 'living the dream.
1) People don't try
They don't realize that life is their slave and it is not the other way around. As a child, my dad used to say to me 'the likes of us don't do that'. He thought it was his job to drill into me that there were locked doors that people from low-socioeconomic classes simply could not open. Or levels of achievement that 'people like us' were simply not capable. Of course, i decided to completely ignore him and open every one of those doors to prove him wrong. But i can say with confidence, that for whatever reason, my father never ever tried! I don't think he ever knew that we can all raise our game!
2) People love a drama
Lots of people do 'try' and they should be applauded each day of their lives! (I really mean that!! If you are committed to improving your life - i send you love and blessings everyday. I hope you get them!)
However, people believe that turmoil is part of life. We are conditioned to think that people who breeze through life and get whatever they desire are 'cheating' - we have expressions for this - 'they're born with a silver spoon in their mouth', 'they're born under a lucky star' and 'they always come out smelling of roses'. People don't always want some jerk like me giving them a 5 word smartass answer to help them resolve their troubles. They want some slack to have a bit of artists' torment. They have chosen not to cultivate a more positive emotional response. Who'd have thought you can have fun losing weight? Who'd have thought finding love is a bit like a fun treasure hunt? We don't need to be all angsty about every blip. I strongly believe: luck is a competence!
3) We put our 'self' into the equation
We read the life law: 'eat less, do more' but then our mind races and we think about: past weight loss failures, our friend who is much slimmer but eats everything in sight, the time we ate 3 whole tubs of icecream when we didn't get *that* job, how the other kids laughed at us in our physical ed class at school, how mom's homemade cookies always made us feel safe, the photo when you got caught bending over (eeek!), how we're worried about loosing too much weight and becoming anorexic, etc, etc, etc. We just pile so much of 'us' onto these 4 little words of wisdom that the meaning collapses under the weight of the associated baggage.
Most of my life-coaching work focuses on the lifting the weight of some of this baggage, removing the 'tortured artist' from the equation and exhuming the uber-simple 'life law' that sits behind it and then working on the 'how?'.
'If the answer is simple, then god has answered.'
We often spend all our time deeply buried in the complexities and nuances of our particular life and the lives of those around us. We regularly lose sight of the crystal clear 'laws of life' that can be summed up so easily:
Weight loss: Eat Less, Do more
Achievement: You reap what you sow
Perseverance: Try, try and try again
Finding love: No one can love you until you love yourself
Any problem: Change it - or change the way you feel about it!
Easy, huh?
So, why aren't most people slim, high achieving, persistent, in love, problem free 'living the dream.
1) People don't try
They don't realize that life is their slave and it is not the other way around. As a child, my dad used to say to me 'the likes of us don't do that'. He thought it was his job to drill into me that there were locked doors that people from low-socioeconomic classes simply could not open. Or levels of achievement that 'people like us' were simply not capable. Of course, i decided to completely ignore him and open every one of those doors to prove him wrong. But i can say with confidence, that for whatever reason, my father never ever tried! I don't think he ever knew that we can all raise our game!
2) People love a drama
Lots of people do 'try' and they should be applauded each day of their lives! (I really mean that!! If you are committed to improving your life - i send you love and blessings everyday. I hope you get them!)
However, people believe that turmoil is part of life. We are conditioned to think that people who breeze through life and get whatever they desire are 'cheating' - we have expressions for this - 'they're born with a silver spoon in their mouth', 'they're born under a lucky star' and 'they always come out smelling of roses'. People don't always want some jerk like me giving them a 5 word smartass answer to help them resolve their troubles. They want some slack to have a bit of artists' torment. They have chosen not to cultivate a more positive emotional response. Who'd have thought you can have fun losing weight? Who'd have thought finding love is a bit like a fun treasure hunt? We don't need to be all angsty about every blip. I strongly believe: luck is a competence!
3) We put our 'self' into the equation
We read the life law: 'eat less, do more' but then our mind races and we think about: past weight loss failures, our friend who is much slimmer but eats everything in sight, the time we ate 3 whole tubs of icecream when we didn't get *that* job, how the other kids laughed at us in our physical ed class at school, how mom's homemade cookies always made us feel safe, the photo when you got caught bending over (eeek!), how we're worried about loosing too much weight and becoming anorexic, etc, etc, etc. We just pile so much of 'us' onto these 4 little words of wisdom that the meaning collapses under the weight of the associated baggage.
Most of my life-coaching work focuses on the lifting the weight of some of this baggage, removing the 'tortured artist' from the equation and exhuming the uber-simple 'life law' that sits behind it and then working on the 'how?'.
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