Tips for happier living!

Here is a tip for happier living and reducing stress:
I believe that we are only truly 'living' when we are experiencing one of the following three things:

1. Laughing
2. Loving
3. Learning

The times when we're not experiencing these things - are just gaps between life. They are just pauses. We are merely on 'standby' mode. If you're not doing one (or all!) of the things above - then you're not actually living at all.

When you go to bed each night - write down: 1) something that made you laugh, 2) something you loved doing and 3) something you learned today! Paying attention to these 3 principles will help you get the most from your life! Paying attention to these things will make you appreciate those moments when they come!

Harness the power of 'now'

A lot of us live in the future... sometimes years in the future. Our heads are constantly bustling with plans, aims, ambitions and often, impatient frustrations that we haven't yet made it where we want to be. We are on a hamster wheel of achievement and a quest for personal significance. Each day we go out into the world and fight for what we believe we need to do or who we believe we need to be. And living is hard - no matter who you are, or what you have! Life can be a roller-coaster that can chew you up and spit you out.

We get so caught up in a whirlwind of our 'stuff' that we simply forget how to grasp the power of 'now'. People who live in the future often do not do so in a positive light. Many people imagine horrible things and think of all the obstacles that they face and the events that they're dreading. They manifest all their fears and worse possible scenarios. They use their vision of the future to erode their plans and sabotage themselves.

But, if they just allowed themselves to step into the 'now'! They'd remember beauty is now! Heaven is now!

Remember some of the happiest days you've ever had. Isn't it true that during those days you lived totally in the 'now'? Remember your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions. On those amazing days - you cast aside the past, you postponed your future, you threw a big, hard rock at the nagging question of 'consequence' and you dived headfirst into the beauty of the day.

In the 'now' fear and ungratefulness disappear; love and compassion flows. The 'now' brings a tsunami of crystal clarity and an injection of deep understanding to any problem that you have been wrestling with. The 'now' rinses your soul, freshens you up and gets you battle-ready for more of life's challenges.

So, what are you waiting for?

Sit up straight, close your eyes, clear your thoughts, smile big and dip your toes into the heaven of now.

You'll remember - you ARE the world, you ARE the light, you have infinite power, infinite possibilities and more love than you could ever imagine.

The Three Lenses

A recent conversation:

Me: "Have you ever heard of term pronoia?"

Cynthia: "No... oh... wait a minute.... is that when kids look really old when they're actually really young?"

Me: "No?!.... Ah... .... that's progeria!"

Cynthia: "Oh yeah! Progeria... then what's the other one?"

I find it amazing that everyone uses the word 'paranoia' on a daily basis - whereas its positive nemesis 'pronoia' is all but redundant from the English language.

Pronoia is the flip side of paranoia. Instead of everyone being out to get you, with pronoia you believe that everyone is secretly conspiring to contribute to your success. You believe that everyone is working behind the scenes to make your dreams come true, pulling your plans together and working to make your day! You shake off any setbacks and shrug off any problems - because the world is working in your favor and you realize that whatever challenge you have is just a temporary glitch in the matrix!

We have a chance of viewing all we see, hear and feel through 3 lenses: The Paranoia Lens, The Neutral Lens and The Pronoia Lens. Of course we actually NEED all three!

But the quality of our life comes from where we choose to use each lens. The paranoid lens always imagines the worst possible scenario. When looking through it we feel that people are out to ruin you, they are conspiring against you and basically we're all doomed. But, a little paranoia when planning for a big event or some adventure travel actually gets us thinking about contingencies and makes our plans a little more bullet proof.

When Donald Trump sized up a business deal, he'd ask himself: 'What's the worst that can happen?' He'd look through his paranoid lens and see the most awful outcome possible. If he felt that he could handle the worst and the deal was good - then the risk was worth taking. Use your paranoid lens as a thought process to manage and prepare yourself for life's surprises! But don't 'live' there.

The neutral lens sees life in black and white - objectively and pragmatically, without either positive or negative emotion attached to it. This is how you should view your bank statement, how you consider an offer, how you step on the scales or how you fire an wayward employee. Getting emotionally involved in these situations will not help you get to the right conclusions. So throw all emotion out of the equation and look through the crystal clear lens.

Pronoia - you should habitually live in a state of pronoia. This is where you should be on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour basis. The other two lenses are like reading glasses... pull them out when you have a special use for them! But pronoia is where you should train your brain to be. Why? Well... life as a pronoia-ist is pretty amazing: you wake up in the morning and you say 'i'm going to have a great, fabulous day and things are just going to go perfectly.' You bounce out of bed. You get up pumped and excited about your life. You go about your day with an energy and a vibe that others just thrive off.

And.... most importantly - you give permission for others to do the same. People see you and feel your energy. You give them the green light to cast off their cloak of doubt, throw aside their anxious negativity and become more than they were. Pronoia is infectious and it truly adheres to the saying: 'be the change you want to see in the world'. Would there be wars if everyone lived in a state of pronoia?

Where to start:

If you're not a natural Pollyanna - you're going to need to train your brain. The first step is to start changing the way we feel about negative material - you need to find out where/who/what is feeding your negativity. It can be the news, partners, friends, sad music, tv, choice of magazines/ website, etc. If pictures of supermodels in fashion magazines you buy make you feel ugly and inferior, you need to say 'thank god i'm not a supermodel, working 18 hours a day living on lettuce leaves and only known for being a stick insect is not the kind of life for me. I'm so glad life decided i shouldn't look like them'. Flip your lens and remember it's all a conspiracy! IN YOUR FAVOR! :-D yay!!

How to pull yourself out of a dark pit!

Years ago, I used to get dark moods that would pull me into this inescapable vortex of despair. I'd stay there for hours, then days, then weeks, then months. It all started from a bad habit I had: when life got too hard i used to crawl back under the duvet. After doing this for a few days, I was too drained to do anything but lie in bed and hate everything. Soon i'd be on the downward spiral.

Since this time, i have have found many ways to break my negative, self-sabotaging patterns of behavior. I can now do a U-turn when i find myself walking down the comfortable, well-beaten path to misery. I want to share these tricks with you, because this week, i've had one of the worst days in a long time, yet i managed to end the day laughing and joking. It made me realize how far i had come. Here are the steps:

1. Rename your feelings - If you say you're 'depressed, miserable, stressed, suicidal' - you've given a label to how you're feeling and your body starts doing what it has been told. When things are going horribly wrong and i could collapse into a ball on the floor, instead of submitting to my emotional response, i say to myself: 'today's plans have been mildly impeded' or 'my calmness has been temporarily thwarted'. As soon as you say to a friend 'i am depressed' your friend will start treating you like a depressed person and you'll start acting like it. The reinforcing behavior turns into a vicious circle. (This tip shamelessly stolen from: Tony Robbins, Unleash the Giant Within)

2. Tap into your inner militant - Summon your inner dictator! When you sneak back into bed or have trouble getting up in the morning, say to yourself 'Get your fat, lazy ass out of bed and do one of the million things on your list. Quit hiding from your life and get the out there. Don't you have things you want to achieve?' Or if you're feeling sorry for yourself say 'Grow up - stop being a petty child, go do something useful. Sulking doesn't change the world - action changes the world! DO SOMETHING!' Do it in the same way a stern mother or scary teacher would - i even imagine my fiercest teacher at school shouting it at me.

3. Remember the worst day in your life - We have all experienced some defining days that linger in the back of our consciousness.

One day i remember extremely vividly was mothers' day 10ish years ago. I was rushed to hospital in the early hours of the morning in immense physical pain. When I got to the ER I witnessed a teenage boy die in front of his parents and sister - the family just crumpled with grief. His father screamed and punched a concrete post, the mother fell to the floor and his teenage sister went a grey pallor. She was in total shock and couldn't catch her breath - she sat alone in the waiting room crying her eyes out. I was in so much physical pain myself, i couldn't properly comprehend anything i saw at the time. The experience was the epitome of human pain.

My day last week was very bad - but not this bad... by a long shot!

4. Quantify your day - If your worst day is a zero out of 10. Then where are you today? (I decided that i was a 2). Then say to yourself - i'm going to try and get up to 5 today - and if i do, i'll be really proud of myself and congratulate yourself. When you're having an awful day - aim to turn this day around to an 'average' day. If you do this, chances are you'll get some momentum and be able to get even higher (i managed to end the day on a 7!)

5. Switch your view - Imagine you are in a traffic jam - you can only see 10 cars in front of you... You're moving very slowly - but still moving, you're a little annoyed but content just chilling to your music.

What if you could float up from your car and view the traffic jam from high in the air? You then see that the traffic jam is 10 miles long. You freak out... you were okay when you could only see 10 cars. But now AAGGGH! What are you going to do? You're doomed!

When things are going badly - we can often see them because we're looking at unhelpful view. From a bird's eye view, we can see all the problems in the distance, we get anxious and find it difficult to cope. When things get tough - come down from the high view and turn all your focus on the thing in front of you. Conversely, when the task in front of you seems insurmountable and you can't see anything else, float up to the bird's eye and see how small this task is on the big schema of things. Look at all the other paths that would take you where you need to go. Research shows that being able to switch from abstract to detail thinking is a trait of great business leaders. Don't get caught up in either view of thinking - change perspective when you hit a road block!

6. Set yourself a low target for the day - If you're feeling 2 out of 10, then you're operating with only 20% of your capacity. Your emotional and intellectual abilities will be failing, your competence will be appalling and you could snowball into a worse place if you set your goals too high. Set yourself a low target that if you achieve - you'll congratulate yourself. When i'm having a very bad day - I leave my office spotless and my files are obsessively in order.

7. Deep breathing - Slllloooow dooown and take some deep breaths. I use a Tony Robbin's breathing technique that i learned years ago. Breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 12 and breath out over a count of 8. Do ten of these breaths and i'm pretty sure you'll be in a better place rapidly. Use this if you're really freaking out about something - it will center you in a few minutes.

8. Valerian Tea - A cup of this relieves my anxiety pretty quickly. I can get to a much better place in 10 minutes. Give a teabag to a cat and see the affect on the kitty! This stuff works!

9. Draw pictures of 10 things you love - When you're in a foul mood, this is quite hard to do because you're so wrapped up in yourself. You have to switch your brain from you/your ego/ what you want/ how you're feeling/your bad day/ poor you to other stuff. Just draw some dumb pictures. It takes you to some creative part of your brain where you feel love and gratitude for the great things in your life and helps you get a grip on your surroundings.

10. The four agreements - A book by Don Miguel, that I have never actually read! Someone else told me about it and it made so much sense. Particularly, agreement no 2. 'Don't take anything personally - nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.' I love this, because on a deep level it's so very true - humans have their own inner reality that only they can make sense of and shape.

I still get dark moods - but i now have some great exit strategies that help me snap out of my negative state very quickly. I told a friend about my bad day and that i was proud of how quickly i'd turned it around. He said 'I didn't know you had bad moods - you're always so balanced.'

I find that a combination of things work for me. I've never found a single silver bullet that takes me from despair to euphoria. But i've worked very hard to find multiple ways to bring rapid change - ultimately you need to find what works for you.

But that's the whole definition of success right?! Finding multiple ways to get from A to B and not giving up until you get there! When i'm down i no longer think 'bed' - i think 'action'.