Spurring motivation: the power of a burning bridge

Ever known someone who's burnt bridges??

We often use the expression 'burning bridges' to describe a negative behavior - perhaps someone who seems to be slash and burning their way through all their personal contacts.

However, burning the occasional bridge is an essential part of growing.

I have burnt many bridges in my life - all were painful! In hindsight, some were in haste and i probably should have paused for thought before dousing the wooden planks in gasoline and hurling a lit match behind me as i sprinted from the scene. Whereas other times, my actions have given me a new energy to pursue the future by cutting off a bridge to the past.

When you have burnt a bridge of the past - it is the surest way to drive yourself forward. You have no choice to go back!

Like quitting a job before you have a new one, putting in an offer for a house that you can't quite afford yet or buying a $2000 size 10 designer gown for your christmas party and telling everyone about it. Burning a bridge is holding yourself to an expectation. It is committing yourself to the path you have chosen in the future. Whereas the expression 'throwing your hat over the wall' is seen as positive - 'burning bridges' has had a bad press!

The word 'decision' comes from the latin: decisio - which literally means 'cutting off'. When you decide something, you cut off all the other options. What better way of focusing on your decision than burning all the other options to smoking cinders!

Burning a bridge might seem a destructive analogy, but used properly with thought and consideration - it can spur some of the greatest creations!ans 'cutting off'. So if
Therefore, every time we burn a bridge, we must build a bridge.

6 inspirational quotes!

1. "There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can." - Henry Ford

2. "Knowing where to lead people is not the same as convincing them to follow you." - Douglas H. Everett

3."Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72."- Mark Twain

4. If you're brave enough to say "GOOD BYE", life will reward you with a new "HELLO" ~ Paulo Coelho

5. "Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." ~Norman Vincent Peale

6. "To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."- Reba McIntyre

When there's nothing more you can do: Surrender all!

I just saw this video of Oprah Winfrey talking about surrendering once you have done everything possible to achieve something.

Link

When you've done everything possible to obtain something - you've pleaded, you've begged, you tried in every way possible - and now you're in a place of pain. You have to surrender to the universe and let bigger powers work out what's best for you!

I loved it! Enjoy!

How to get Total Assertiveness...

Total assertiveness is not a skill to obtain, or build, borrow or create for yourself. It's a skill to uncover - it is something at the very core of each one of us. Total assertiveness lies beneath all the baggage we insist on carrying around with us. Isn't it true that the best speeches in history are those who have laid themselves bare and stripped off their persona to speak from their core?

As babies and young children, we were shamelessly assertive! Hungry? "wwwwwhhhhaaaa' Tired? 'whhhhhhah' need anything? 'wwwhhhhhaaa'. (I know grown men who still employ this strategy, by the way). As we grow, we burden ourselves with stereotypes, baggage and memories of bad experiences. We may have hurt someone we love with our hard words and brought suffering - and picked up the message not to do this again. I became nervous and passive through an incredibly destructive relationship with my mother. She had some appalling passive aggressive behaviors, which meant i spent my entire youth walking on eggshells.

But assertiveness is not a 'way to talk' or 'method' or an 'outward communication skill'. Although I am now assertive, it is not because i speak up or can easily tell the truth to people who might not want to hear it.

Then what is total assertiveness?

It is a deep intimacy. It is being your own best friend. It is being your biggest fan. It is being the best lover, mother, brother to yourself. It's being this omnipresent cheerleader for yourself. It is resolutely and stubbornly standing by your own side through whatever happens. When you take time to connect with yourself (and it does take time!) the world is turned upside-down for the better.

This deeply entrenched self-respect is total assertiveness - if you have a buddy like you by your side... then what can possibly go wrong?

This deep intimacy with the miracle of yourself leads to great things. It causes a general relaxation in yourself. You can lavish yourself with love, you stop trying to seek it from: lovers, parents, bosses, friends, teachers, etc. Your cup is full - you don't approach life with holes in your soul that need filling up with a daily amount of attention or praise. But curiously, this relaxed and assertive personally trait is magnetic and attracts the right sort of people (and all the right things!) Insecurities melt away and total self reliance & self believe return to you like a distance deja vu. This is how we are meant to be!

People seeking to be assertive outside will find the answer inside. Assertiveness is not how to talk and communicate - it is a deep spiritual connection with your naked soul, that then gives you the love, stability, protection, kindness and warmth to take on the whole darn world.

And you? Well, you're totally awesome... who wouldn't crawl over broken glass to become your best friend?

Feelin' the fear

I strongly believe that fear is the precursor of growth.

I believe this so much, i've actually got to the point that when i'm scared/ freaked/ worried - i think... 'wow, i know something awesome is going to happen when i'm done with this fear'.

When i'm a little scared of doing something, i know that it's probably the right thing to do! The 'fear' doesn't go away - i think i've just renamed it and given it a good rep!

Susan Jeffers said: 'Fear is a friend that accompanies us on our most exciting journeys!' It took me a long time to agree with this (rather than just quote it) but i'm there now!

Shopping hangovers: Emotions about money

I have a serious 'spend hangover'.

I've been away and treated myself to a looot of stuff.

I bought: business class flights, a suite in a 5 star hotel, meals out, wine, cocktails, clothes and suits and lingerie and handbags and shoes and make up and perfumes and jeans and a coat and a gorgeous blazer thing and books and a funky time capsule thing for my macbook and gifts for *everyone*.

So... why the spend hangover?!
Was it my money? Yes!
Was it money i personally earned? Yes!
Am i now in debt? No!
Am i now poor because i spent all the money? Nope!
Is there more money where that came from? Yes!

Then why the stoopid guilt?!

I think that there are two components to this: 1) If you come from having only a little... and you end up with a lot... you never forget the little you had. You never forget the simplicity of being broke - there's a freedom to being penniless (although you could NEVER have told me this at the time) You never forget the simple things that you appreciated when you had nothing. Now i think back, even when i was poor - life was fine!

2) The first time you buy a designer outfit from your own money - AWESOME. Second time - a little less awesome. Third time - okay. Fourth time - meh! Fifth time - it's a chore!
The more money i spend, the more critical i get! The more stuff i buy, the less and less I hit the 'high notes' - i'm just not sure i can get my fix anymore. You get diminishing returns every time you splash out!

For example, the suite i stayed in, it was in a luxury branded hotel in the best area (of course!) I walked in, immediately i didn't like the color scheme (dingy tan and brown... i decorated my own house in these colors 6 years ago). Nor was i impressed with the wood panel or the amount of mirrors. There was supposed to be fresh fruit in the room - but there were only oranges... there should be a selection of fruit... in singapore i got dragonfruit and stuff. What's with the f**king oranges? This really pissed me off! I paused for a minute:

'what on earth have i become?'

I don't think that money changes people for the better - i've seen my own personality change when i'm on a bit of a spending spree and i'm not comfortable. So maybe my guilt at spending so much cash is a sign that whilst i've indulged in some flashcash rich brat tendencies i am still someone who has a little attitude towards money. My face will always wrinkle at $250 dollar lunch for two. I will always get back to my hotel room with 25 shopping bags thinking 'what a waste!'

.... and rightly so!

Mediation Technique: Talk to your Intuition

Ever feel grumpy? Sad? Frustrated? Annoyed? Mopey? .... and not had a clue why?

Then i have a great meditation for you! What is great about this meditation is that you don't need to go too deeply into the 'zone' (which is always so so hard when were grumpy/sad/frustrated, etc!)

So here it is:

Setting the Scene:
Imagine yourself on a mountain somewhere. It's a hostile environment, snowing, scary and exposed to the wind! You're high up the mountain and freaked out about falling.

Imagine this scene vividly. When i do it, i can feel the snow biting on my face. I can feel the hard, smoothness of the rock i am clinging too, i can feel my stomach turning when i looked down, i can feel my lungs go sharp when i breathe in the freezing air. Plus the noise of the snow on my padded jacket.

Make the the colors, smells, sensations as real as possible.

Further into the cave
You walk a bit further, stumbling in the awful conditions, until you find a cave. The cave is sheltered and you go inside - you know you're safe now, you are totally removed from the harsh elements of the mountain. The cave is deep and has lighting. You walk through the cave, following the lighting. You are not scared at all anymore.

Make this experience as real as possible - i imagine a faint dripping sound and the slight smell of dampness of the air in the cave. I feel the uneven rocks under my mountaineering boots. I can hear the wind howling outside.

The Room
You come to a room, there is an old man/woman (whatever works for you!) inside. For me, the room is warm, bright, protected, luxurious, with a glowing warm fire, there are soft fur rugs everywhere. The old man gives me warm juices and a thick warm blanket to wrap myself in. He is so kind and caring and smiles at me with kind eyes.

I feel the softness of the blanket and my cheeks getting blushed with the heat from the fire. I can taste the warm juice he gives me.

He asks me how i am. And that's when my subconscious speaks! I respond to the question. It is 100% my response but a more mature, insightful, sensible voice than usual self - my ego has been cut out of the conversation. Me and the old guy talk a little while. Out of this conversation comes whatever has been troubling me. Usually it's not big stuff - because it's always quite obvious when something like that is worrying you. Don't try and force the voice, just wait patiently until it bubbles up. If it doesn't come straight away - keep watching the fire or just feel safe and secure in this room.

Here are some of the conclusions that i've reached using this technique:

- I'm annoyed that i keep having to put my life on hold until after a certain date
- I feel powerless about a situation
- I've failed a couple of times and i'm scared to try this thing again
- I'm apprehensive about a trip i'm about to take

Once you know what the problem is - you can soothe yourself, like you would an unsettled child. I have found this such a powerful thought tool... without having to sit in the lotus position humming 'ommmmmmm'