Saturday, 14 May 2011

Shopping hangovers: Emotions about money

I have a serious 'spend hangover'.

I've been away and treated myself to a looot of stuff.

I bought: business class flights, a suite in a 5 star hotel, meals out, wine, cocktails, clothes and suits and lingerie and handbags and shoes and make up and perfumes and jeans and a coat and a gorgeous blazer thing and books and a funky time capsule thing for my macbook and gifts for *everyone*.

So... why the spend hangover?!
Was it my money? Yes!
Was it money i personally earned? Yes!
Am i now in debt? No!
Am i now poor because i spent all the money? Nope!
Is there more money where that came from? Yes!

Then why the stoopid guilt?!

I think that there are two components to this: 1) If you come from having only a little... and you end up with a lot... you never forget the little you had. You never forget the simplicity of being broke - there's a freedom to being penniless (although you could NEVER have told me this at the time) You never forget the simple things that you appreciated when you had nothing. Now i think back, even when i was poor - life was fine!

2) The first time you buy a designer outfit from your own money - AWESOME. Second time - a little less awesome. Third time - okay. Fourth time - meh! Fifth time - it's a chore!
The more money i spend, the more critical i get! The more stuff i buy, the less and less I hit the 'high notes' - i'm just not sure i can get my fix anymore. You get diminishing returns every time you splash out!

For example, the suite i stayed in, it was in a luxury branded hotel in the best area (of course!) I walked in, immediately i didn't like the color scheme (dingy tan and brown... i decorated my own house in these colors 6 years ago). Nor was i impressed with the wood panel or the amount of mirrors. There was supposed to be fresh fruit in the room - but there were only oranges... there should be a selection of fruit... in singapore i got dragonfruit and stuff. What's with the f**king oranges? This really pissed me off! I paused for a minute:

'what on earth have i become?'

I don't think that money changes people for the better - i've seen my own personality change when i'm on a bit of a spending spree and i'm not comfortable. So maybe my guilt at spending so much cash is a sign that whilst i've indulged in some flashcash rich brat tendencies i am still someone who has a little attitude towards money. My face will always wrinkle at $250 dollar lunch for two. I will always get back to my hotel room with 25 shopping bags thinking 'what a waste!'

.... and rightly so!